Post by evilelvis on Apr 1, 2006 16:59:36 GMT -5
Some facts about chuck Norris
Warning: These statements are not facts, nor do they resemble any facts and should not be taken as facts .. I think
# Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed
of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the
Pacific Ocean.
# Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs
to lie down.
# Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a
hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed
miserably.
# Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern
Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten,
a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash,
tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car
windshield.
# Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all
poisonous.
# If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After
you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
# Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
# When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a
picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay
taxes, ever.
# The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
# Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven
herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
# CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with
on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
# Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
# There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to
live.
# Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45
minutes having sex with his waitress.
# What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His shoe.
# Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
# Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
# Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter
comes straight out.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
# A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and
that you will be handicapped if you park there.
# Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
# Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker:
Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
# If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
# Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.
When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
# Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in
the face.
# The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of
dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
# Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
# Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July
19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over
14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically
claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
# Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
# Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way
to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone
has ever made.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
# Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed
a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had
learned karate.
# Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
# Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap
tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up
exercises.
# Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty
principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will
roundhouse-kick you in the face.
# In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine
into beer.
# Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from
now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell
was That?"
# Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in
which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by
Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We
know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
# Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
# The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a
single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one
turn.
# In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill
you, including the room itself.
# According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has
been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
# Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
# Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American
Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the
face.
# When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead
requests a hand gun and a bucket.
# There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
# Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?"
contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
# Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which
he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the
preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out
of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related
injuries.
# Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
* When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the
phone and money falls out.
* Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was
a stripper in it.
* Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
* There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to
different shades of black and blue.
* When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was
10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
* Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled
with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
* A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution
in 16 states.
* When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets
Chuck Norris.
* Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is
roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
* Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
* When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will
be because he has run out of women.
* How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
...All of it.
* Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out
of fear.
* In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size
than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be
* Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
* If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia
for 44 minutes.
* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
* The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been
there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
* A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
* Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is
an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck
Norris roundhouse kick.
* Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
* When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French
surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
* While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
* Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became
apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his
autobiography.
* When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
* When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris
kills a ninja, he uses every part.
* Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his
lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
* Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
* Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that
can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
* For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris,
each testicle is larger than the other one.
* Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
* When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score
over 8000.
* Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of
visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
* When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse
kick to the face.
* Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World
Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy
card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
* On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown
into the sun.
* Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
* In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that
nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
* Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
* Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own
rage.
* Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year
1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
* Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
* Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as
that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
* If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate
zero results. It just doesn't happen.
* Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
* Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he
roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
* Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other
nine faint.
* The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with
Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the
island to retrieve the footage.
* It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
* You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life?
In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill
you.
* Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets
in his way.
* The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris
Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
* There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
* Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
* When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He
walks through them.
* Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
* James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon
reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so
he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
* Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
* Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified
that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its
decendents now have white hair.
* Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
* It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him
destroy an orphanage.
# Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate
tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
# Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
# Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every
night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
# Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the
Earth down.
Warning: These statements are not facts, nor do they resemble any facts and should not be taken as facts .. I think
# Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed
of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the
Pacific Ocean.
# Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs
to lie down.
# Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a
hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed
miserably.
# Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern
Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten,
a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash,
tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car
windshield.
# Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all
poisonous.
# If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After
you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
# Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
# When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a
picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay
taxes, ever.
# The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
# Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven
herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
# CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with
on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
# Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
# There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to
live.
# Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45
minutes having sex with his waitress.
# What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His shoe.
# Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
# Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
# Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter
comes straight out.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
# A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and
that you will be handicapped if you park there.
# Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
# Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker:
Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
# If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
# Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.
When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
# Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in
the face.
# The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of
dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
# Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
# Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July
19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over
14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically
claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
# Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
# Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way
to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone
has ever made.
# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
# Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed
a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had
learned karate.
# Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
# Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap
tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up
exercises.
# Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty
principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will
roundhouse-kick you in the face.
# In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine
into beer.
# Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from
now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell
was That?"
# Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in
which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by
Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We
know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
# Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
# The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a
single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one
turn.
# In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill
you, including the room itself.
# According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has
been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
# Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
# Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American
Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the
face.
# When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead
requests a hand gun and a bucket.
# There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
# Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?"
contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
# Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which
he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the
preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out
of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related
injuries.
# Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
* When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the
phone and money falls out.
* Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was
a stripper in it.
* Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
* There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to
different shades of black and blue.
* When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was
10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
* Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled
with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
* A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution
in 16 states.
* When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets
Chuck Norris.
* Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is
roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
* Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
* When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will
be because he has run out of women.
* How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
...All of it.
* Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out
of fear.
* In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size
than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be
* Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
* If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia
for 44 minutes.
* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
* The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been
there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
* A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
* Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is
an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck
Norris roundhouse kick.
* Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
* When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French
surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
* While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
* Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became
apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his
autobiography.
* When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
* When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris
kills a ninja, he uses every part.
* Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his
lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
* Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
* Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that
can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
* For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris,
each testicle is larger than the other one.
* Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
* When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score
over 8000.
* Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of
visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
* When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse
kick to the face.
* Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World
Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy
card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
* On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown
into the sun.
* Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
* In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that
nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
* Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
* Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own
rage.
* Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year
1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
* Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
* Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as
that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
* If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate
zero results. It just doesn't happen.
* Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
* Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he
roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
* Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other
nine faint.
* The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with
Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the
island to retrieve the footage.
* It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
* You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life?
In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill
you.
* Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets
in his way.
* The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris
Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
* There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
* Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
* When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He
walks through them.
* Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
* James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon
reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so
he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
* Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
* Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified
that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its
decendents now have white hair.
* Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
* It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him
destroy an orphanage.
# Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate
tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
# Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
# Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every
night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
# Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the
Earth down.
